I remember being loved once…it is very faint but it is there, I hold on to it because it is all that keeps me sane.
I don’t know what happened to that love but suddenly, it had gone, everything changes and all there is, is pain and fear.
Fear so bad I don’t want to go there, can’t think about it. The love, hold the love but…it is getting fainter.
I am hurting now, I am in the woods….If I just lie down and close my eyes, the love will be there…maybe forever….no, there are voices, run, voices are bad, run…
Now I am in an alley and they are coming for me with a pole, there is a lady saying I don’t want to do this….now I am on the end of the pole and being pushed into a van…more pain, I don’t like this, the love is fading again.
Now I am in a small area and I am really scared. I can’t get out, I can’t run…That lady is here again, she sits down with me and talks quietly to me. I move closer and she strokes me. I feel that long gone love, just for a few minutes….then she goes and I am alone.
Bark, shout, tell them to let me out, I am not a bad dog, I did nothing wrong but I think they don’t like me, they won’t come close…shout again, tell them, let me out…I am afraid, I am alone….days are passing, no one comes.
The lady has come back but I can’t let her near, she left me and the noise here is ringing in my head…Bark, shout, please let me out….no-one will take him I hear them say. I am frightened, I don’t understand but it sounds final.
Another lady comes, bark, tell her to stay away, I don’t know who to trust, trust no-one….the love is so far away now.
Another day passes, and another…no, wait, two more ladies have come and they have sat down outside my prison. Bark, scream, go way, no-one stays, no-one cares. They are still here, they have sausages…I try some but..shout, don’t trust anyone…more sausages, they are still here. They are still sitting outside my prison and they are talking to me….what do I do? I am so alone, so scared….
Now they have come inside…retreat, bark, threaten…no one can be trusted, everyone hurts me, everyone leaves, don’t let them in…but stopping them means approaching…I don’t want to bite, I am not a bad dog, they tried to make me bad, I’m so confused…
They are just sitting there, they still have sausages, should I? Can I? I will try….shout, bark…..the sausages are good…they have put a lead on me, now what, I still cannot escape them…..but they haven’t hurt me….maybe, just maybe…. could that love be there….
I’m out, I’m out and safe…the ladies put me in a van and we left my prison behind…. and took me to their Rescue Centre.
This was my last chance, if they hadn’t stayed and waited for me to trust them enough to come out, I wouldn’t be here telling you my story. You can watch me ‘escape’ below:
My name wasn’t always Ashar, the ladies that came to rescue me gave me this name – I am told it means ‘Happy’ in Hebrew, and I now feel much happier having been at the rescue since 6th April 2012.
I still find it very hard to trust anyone, it takes me a long time to believe that no one actually wants to hurt me anymore. I had the best news ever…I am classified as unhomable due to my fears and I will be staying with my Mum for ever! We have all now moved up to the Orkney Isles….and at last I can be a proper dog, I run, I swim in the sea, play on the beach, I am FREE!!!!!! And I know I am loved……the love is back, I feel it in every caress, every touch…..I am alive, I am loved, I belong.